i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
