It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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