Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
