We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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