I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
