There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
