i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
