i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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