she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
