watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
