I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
