i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
