Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He kissed a someone with a penis
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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