Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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