Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
