capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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