Yo dont text me then not text me
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
