hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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