you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
