She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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