My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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