Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
