Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
did i just pee glitter
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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