I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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