Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
