Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
