If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
