then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
