I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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