He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
