Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
