I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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