Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
