you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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