I just threw up on my dentist
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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