mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
