i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
