We named our party play list daddy issues
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
