If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
