Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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