just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
