Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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