I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
