Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
