I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
