He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
