made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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