I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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