Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize