All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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