you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
