Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
