i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just invented taco cereal.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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