As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
