Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
