Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
