after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
