just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize