Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
