somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
