grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
