and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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