My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
soo... how was my night?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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