By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
