just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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