Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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