'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
