I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
