so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
