respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
