PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i think my cat just said my name.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
