people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
