hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
