just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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