woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
