I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize