just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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