life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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