I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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